I just read "4 Steps to Let go of blame in your relationship" on TinyBuddha.com, an article that really resonated with me, both on a personal and professional level.

It isn't just partner type relationships that can benefit from having a rethink around blame, our relationships with our children, family members and colleagues can all benefit too.

Of course, you don't want to take responsiblity for any colleagues who shirk, but just consider whether or not your communication (or lack of) is in some way enabling them to shirk and that perhaps they don't see it as shirking. Or your child leaves things lying around and you are constantly 'having to nag' them to put things away, but you've never had a conversation about personal responsibility, or never set times for you to all muck in and do your bit of tidying together. Or just put the stuff away without complaining.

Looking back to when my daughter was just a few years old, she was uber tidy. I had a rule, only one box of toys out at a time, clear them away before the next box came out. We'd clear up together (and often make it a game) and the place was always tidy before bathtime. But then I started working long hours and travelling, so childcare moved  to about 90% her dad's responsibility. Then I would come home to a mess, toys not put away, dishes in the sink. My resentment (a.k.a. blame) of my partner's untidyness (and his attitude towards it) built up and festered over the years and was no doubt one of the contributing factors as to why the relationship broke down. At some point I hired a cleaner, which lifted the cloud of negative emotions that would previously descend upon me when I arrived home from work, but by then that, and other things, had already seen us on a downward spiral as a couple.

I've coached teams with people who instantly blame others when things go wrong. It's hard to break the cycle. It's often caused by poor managers, who don't allow their staff to make mistakes, or by people who think the only way to make themselves look good is by making other people look bad (oh, we've all met at least one of those, surely?). Of course, if you lose a couple of million dollars for the company there needs to be some explanation (and it probably needs to be quite good), but often it is a matter of tweaking plans to ensure things stay on target, or allowing people to take risks and accepting that, sometimes, those risks don't pay off. Of course in a work situation, people are worried they will be fired, especially in the current economic environment. But finger pointing doesn't produce great teams and the best leaders know this.

It all comes back to emotional intelligence. This isn't some innate quality, by the way, this can be (and is) learned as part of the coaching journey.

Picture from referenced article on Tiny Buddha http://bit.ly/14mrBft

My initial reaction to this article was excitement, what a fabulous idea and how progressive of this council leader to implement it. Then I thought about it a little, as I read down to the bottom of the page. Life coaches do help clients deal with weight and fitness issues (frequently), but depression? Anxiety? These are not within the realms of a life coach, these are counselling areas. The two are very different. Coaching is non-directive, or should be. If someone is in the depths of depression, how can they be expected to see the wood for the trees, let alone see the path out of it?  As a professional Life Coach, I would refer them to their GP or a specialist mental health professional. I may offer them some yoga or meditation, which has been shown to help, but I would certainly not look to ‘treat’ mental health conditions.

It may just be that the story wasn’t reported clearly, and that the additional training the volunteers will receive may well cover the counselling side of things. In any case, I’m sure this initiative will help a great many people, not to mention lighten the burden on the provision of health services locally. Taking a more holistic approach to health care provision is long overdue and I salute Ian Stewart (pictured) and the team who will implement this great idea.

Life Coach for Every Resident.....

Photo of Ian Stewart, Mayor of Salford, courtesy of Manchester Evening News

After many years of practising yoga, I've decided to take the plunge. It makes total sense to me, as a complement to my life coaching practice, to teach yoga. Not that every coachee will want yoga, or at least not necessarily from me, but it makes sense to offer a more holistic approach. I know this from my own experience. The focus and energy that yoga creates for you, can give you the strength of mind (and body) to tackle change. Sometimes change is easy, of course, it’s just a matter of identifying what you really want or need in your life. But some changes take a great deal of strength and preparation. Sometimes you need to warm up’ to the idea.  And some are a little in between.

Teaching yoga is one of my personal life goals. I set this goal very recently. The idea of it had flitted in and out of my head for some time, of course, but I did what most people do, I laughed it off. Really, me, teach? “Don’t be silly”, said the negative little voice of my inner critic. I let it fob me off, several times, before remembering that I’m actually a coach. I know how to deal with pesky voices in my head (not actual voices, you understand). So I sat down and used some of the coaching tools on myself, dealing with my limiting beliefs (I’m not bendy enough, I don’t know enough about the history of yoga, I’ll never remember all those Sanskrit names, etc) and I looked at how it fits in with my values and my overall health/life balance goals. And do you know what? It fitted in very nicely, thank you very much. Of course, it wasn’t just a simple “oh, I’ll do this” and then it happens. No, no, no, my friend. A coach doesn’t wave a magic wand, the coachee (me in both cases this time) has to then go do some work towards the goal/s. But consider this, from a standing start in mid-January, when it was nothing but a dream, I am poised to begin my training. Tomorrow, in fact. How exciting!