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The Blame Game

21/6/2013

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I just read "4 Steps to Let go of blame in your relationship" on TinyBuddha.com, an article that really resonated with me, both on a personal and professional level.

It isn't just partner type relationships that can benefit from having a rethink around blame, our relationships with our children, family members and colleagues can all benefit too.

Of course, you don't want to take responsiblity for any colleagues who shirk, but just consider whether or not your communication (or lack of) is in some way enabling them to shirk and that perhaps they don't see it as shirking. Or your child leaves things lying around and you are constantly 'having to nag' them to put things away, but you've never had a conversation about personal responsibility, or never set times for you to all muck in and do your bit of tidying together. Or just put the stuff away without complaining.

Looking back to when my daughter was just a few years old, she was uber tidy. I had a rule, only one box of toys out at a time, clear them away before the next box came out. We'd clear up together (and often make it a game) and the place was always tidy before bathtime. But then I started working long hours and travelling, so childcare moved  to about 90% her dad's responsibility. Then I would come home to a mess, toys not put away, dishes in the sink. My resentment (a.k.a. blame) of my partner's untidyness (and his attitude towards it) built up and festered over the years and was no doubt one of the contributing factors as to why the relationship broke down. At some point I hired a cleaner, which lifted the cloud of negative emotions that would previously descend upon me when I arrived home from work, but by then that, and other things, had already seen us on a downward spiral as a couple.

I've coached teams with people who instantly blame others when things go wrong. It's hard to break the cycle. It's often caused by poor managers, who don't allow their staff to make mistakes, or by people who think the only way to make themselves look good is by making other people look bad (oh, we've all met at least one of those, surely?). Of course, if you lose a couple of million dollars for the company there needs to be some explanation (and it probably needs to be quite good), but often it is a matter of tweaking plans to ensure things stay on target, or allowing people to take risks and accepting that, sometimes, those risks don't pay off. Of course in a work situation, people are worried they will be fired, especially in the current economic environment. But finger pointing doesn't produce great teams and the best leaders know this.

It all comes back to emotional intelligence. This isn't some innate quality, by the way, this can be (and is) learned as part of the coaching journey.

Picture from referenced article on Tiny Buddha http://bit.ly/14mrBft

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Is it fair to pass on your germs?

19/6/2013

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I have a slight dilemma this week. I've been asked to cover my yoga teacher's class, while she deals with some urgent family business. Of course, I feel hugely honoured that she should trust me with her class. It's my normal Friday practice, so I will almost certainly know everyone and most of them know that I've been  training as a teacher over the last 6 months. But, since I agreed to do it, I have come down with a really heavy cold, sore throat and now I'm coughing. I could possibly get away with dosing up, to allow me to lead the practice, but is that fair on the class? I don't think so. If I'm on the road to recovery, then maybe, but if I still feel the way I feel today, then I would expect that I'm highly contagious.

So that gives me another dilemma - how soon should I alert my teacher to the fact that I may not be able to cover for her. Of course, I have someone who would cover my classes, who may be available, but it's not my class, my teacher may prefer to arrange her own cover. Then again, she has enough on her mind. Thinking clearly is not something I do well with a head full of cold! Perhaps I'll arrange cover as backup, if she doesn't have a plan 'B'.

So what do you do when you have a cold? Do you turn up to work, share your germs with colleagues and possibly with clients? How well received is it when people do that? I'm all for working from home in these circumstances, but, since the transition from comms to yoga teacher, that has become a little tricky. Fingers crossed it'll only last 3 days and I will be fine by Friday!

Picture from www.bagusjuga.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/sinus.jpg

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Encounter with a man in a mini dress

14/6/2013

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Believe it or not, I had a man in a white mini dress jump on me yesterday, while I was semi naked. I know, the mind boggles. Especially as it was in a sleepy Surrey suberb at about 2.30 in the afternoon. But worry not, this was all done in the best possible taste!

John Harris is, without doubt, a brilliant osteopath. He's fixed my neck and back several times over the years. He's seen me through my bodybuilding days, through a couple of whiplash injuries, pregnancy, post pregnancy, 'laptop' shoulders (that's the flying/working in tiny space injury) and my recent, pretty bad, whiplash forllowing the shunt I was subjected to in March.

Two sessions saw it off, despite the severity, but this last 10 days has seen a lot of creep in the soft tissue. Convinced (before I went to him) that there was something really sinister going on inside my spine, I called him on Tuesday and made an appointment for Thursday. In the meantime, I did some very mindful and gentle yoga, which relieved a lot of the pressure around the neck (and allowed me to actually get some reasonable sleep, first time in several days).

Yesterday he worked his magic, but not before his assistant (a young graduate osteo) put the TENS on me for 10 minutes and then spent a good 20-30 minutes massaging and working the tissue around my spine and neck thoroughly. That's one of the key differences when you come to see John. You get thoroughly warmed up before he does any manipulation, muscles are encouraged to 'let go' before he does his stuff.

He doesn't need me to blog about him, he doesn't do any advertising, he works purely from word of mouth (that says it all!), but I can't help telling the world (ok, about 3 people) how brilliant he is. He's my hero. Today, I can sit again, no pain. Hurrah for heroes.

p.s. nothing sinister in my spine, just soft tissue issues

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Health Warning: Beware the 'Experts' and 'Miracle Cures'

12/6/2013

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Am I the only one who gets mad when I see these 'amazing miracle cure alls' advertised all over the place, either at the side of my free personal email or on facebook? Anyone and everyone can set themselves up as an expert these days, which can prove very dangerous for unsuspecting, and often vulnerable, people. The latest claims that had me jumping up and down and asking for links to the 'original scientific research' that it was based on was the following. Enjoy......


17 Reasons Why You Need a Mango Every Day ~

1. Fights cancer
2. Keeps cholesterol in check
3. Skin cleanser
4. Alkalizes the body
5. Weight loss
6. Regulates diabetes
7. Aphrodisiac
8. Eye care
9. Helps in digestion
10. Heat stroke
11. Strengthens your immune
12. Body scrub
13. Aids concentration and memory
14. High iron for women
15. Reduces Kidney Stones
16. Perfect Snack
17. Stomach Tonic


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    Author

    I’m a life coach, yoga teacher, communications professional and fitness enthusiast. I’m a closet techie and science boff in my spare time. I’m also part-time slave and taxi driver to a 14 year old.

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